Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
