I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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