I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
