your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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