Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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