Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
