All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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