Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
