I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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