i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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