and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
