I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
