I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
