I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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