i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
