oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize