Farmville is her only friend.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
