He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
