I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
