My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dignity is for republicans.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
