I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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