woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
