I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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