I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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