he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Please don't give away my fajitas
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
