K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
