dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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