tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
