In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
