Your face is a jimmy john
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
