The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
how does that bad decision feel?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
