We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
