You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
