I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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