you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
