I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
