Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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