no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Text me some of your sweat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
