Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
