Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
