my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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