Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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