who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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