as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
