Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
