sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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