i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
