Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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