you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Your cock deserves a montage
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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