he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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