i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
