i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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