There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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