I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
