i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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