i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
