We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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