There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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