did you get engaged???
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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