DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
