i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
