Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
