I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
