Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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