my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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