I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
