Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
