Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Randomize
