She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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