this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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