If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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